Farouk Martins Aresa|
How, at what age do we explain abnormal sexual behavior to children? It is awkward enough discussing sex. When we were growing up, as soon as kids get to certain age, they hide from their parents especially the females from their dads and males from mums. Schools and parents now teach kids how to watch out for everyone. It is not because of their parents but as caution to strangers and a few demented extended families and parents abusing their own children!
Aberrant or compulsive sexual behavior develops gradually. There are stories or pictures going around demonstrating illicit sex with man and animals. The ones about animals can be easily ruled out as gross and provocative. Though, the same is true about sex with underage children and non consensual adults. Most of us would want to know the mental state of these humans that can only enjoy forbidden sexual encounters knowing they would be crucified when caught.
Sometimes boys and girls tell one another about the reputation of promiscuous ones as they get older or tell parents if abused. One guy came for Higher School Certificate (HSC) in our school. He set his eyes on this girl that had a bad reputation. The truth was that it was all a rumor because she was pretty and snobbish. So the new student was warned not to go near her. He said that it was the type of girls he liked: girls everyone slept with must be good in bed!
What is the difference between a compulsive sex deviant and a gentleman? Wise boys learn that not all the girls you want would want you the same way; since you would not like all the girls that want you. So a boy may lose many but gains the one that wants him. It is far safer to keep ego in check and desist from those that do not like you since it only takes one or a few to ruin your career. Rather than be an egotistic serial abuser; chose out of a few that want you.
Ladies playing hard to get may be too risky to pursue in these days of no means no! The price boys and men pay for such persistent or illicit drive is enormous. Some had the opportunity to stop, change and enter mental counseling only to do it again like a recurring alcoholic or drug user. In some countries, before they enter the criminal system, the judges put them on probation depending on the crime. In other countries, they are paraded on the streets or even beaten. The parents of an underage girl might even kill whoever defiles their child.
But then, humans have been known to get high on forbidden fruit, risky habits or stealing as in shoplifting, though they have money in their pockets to pay. They claim in their interview with police that it was for the rush and not for lack of money. The rush never stops as their drive increases for more dangerous thrill. It is like a pill or a drug that has to increase in dosage to get the same effect on their psych. Like young boys, they take risks thinking they are invulnerable.
One lady saw who her husband was cheating with and burst into laughter or cry. The other lady was ugly O, not well endowed or rich. She was a trash! Isaac Success paid four prostitutes $3365 but could not perform after drinking Bailey. A comedian, Louis C.K. exposed himself to four invited ladies just to watch him masturbate! One has to wonder if the same urge drives a man to an animal, underage children or married women or men. One guy explained his desire for married women as being well taken care of by their rich husbands, some as sugar mummies.
With all the beautiful ladies out there, some guys are just obsessed with ladies that have been taken, married, used, prostituted or exposed in adult magazines or x-rated movies. What is considered a turnoff for some decent guys is exactly what these guys longed for. These men or boys have their own girlfriends, wives and in relationship with someone that probably adores them. Yet, only forbidden sex satisfies them until caught in the act or reported.
When you see a lady having sex with a dog or a man penetrating a goat, there has to be more to it than behavioral scientists can explain. Usually, these men are rich and powerful in the community. Most are hypocrites in a position of trust and very conservative like the one, contesting for U.S Senate: he had asked an underage girl to touch him. Apart from the order of medicine man that decreed a man to have sex with some crazy homeless women before his prayers could be answered, there must be other hidden drive for such risky encounters.
If chief wants a younger girl, ask her and let her come to you. Do not kidnap underage girl into your palace! It is ironic that some of these men could get the same ladies without being abusive but would not take no for an answer. The days of picking or stepping on any lady an Oba fancies is gone. Unfortunately, there are those ignored by ladies begging for attention at any price. One said if you do not love him, please love is money!
Fortunately, sexual harassment is now in the open and the abuses many women endured in and out of homes can no longer be kept secret. Women are talking and children are talking. Some countries have increased and expanded the number of years on statute of limitation even if repressed for many years; cannot expire. It has helped children trusted into the hands of Roman Catholic priests, pastors and imams.
Some young ladies just fall for Oba, Emir and Igwe or handsome older men without being coerced. Powerful men in businesses and industries that have taken advantages of their employees and those they mentored are answering to charges they thought they had gotten away with. Some are complaining of been brought up on charges in their “drug, rock and roll” years when anything goes. Those were the days Playboy and other magazines came of age.
There are some entertainment industries though, like Nollywood, Bollywood and Hollywood that were notorious for deviant sexual behaviors. In those cases, it is the ugly ladies with brains that were shut out of roles before they could even be harassed, that should complain; not the beautiful ones with less brains. Indeed, some of them got their roles for their beautiful faces!
Even many employers when given a choice between an ugly lady with brain and a pretty one with fewer prowesses, they would select the beautiful ones. Beauty attracts more clients, patrons or customers; however you call them. One said it loud that a beautiful face is a nice omen to look forward to everyday on the job – na lie O!
While we must worry about false accusations in a few cases and in college campus derailing careers of our children, the focus must be on the majority of cases where men use their power to humiliate or abuse ladies without choice or security for granted.
There was this young lady admiring every move I made across street from Mama Put E. She got up and walked towards me, ………………………………….. only to say “hello” to my son!